I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
