it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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