My nipple is on Facebook.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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