I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Blood and glitter go together right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh god it's open bar.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
