It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
