I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
