Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
tell me about the fingering
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