Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
