I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
