im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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