I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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