I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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