fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
