dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
People in love make me want to vomit
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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