What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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