Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
