Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
