Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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