Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
