oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
