she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
