did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
