So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
