If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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