i just had sex bonerless
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
