Its about making memories worth repressing
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
