my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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