Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
