I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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