I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
