You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
