So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
