Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
