I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
