the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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