I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
