he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
