Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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