Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
