There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
