Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
