Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
