i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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