Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
