he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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