toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He shit in the fireplace
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
