Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
