just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
