I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
