If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His nipple licking is glorious
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