What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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