It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
