help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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