We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They have beer where we have blood.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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