There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
