he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
