after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
