Don't you send me to vm
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
