Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
