Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
